No hand-holding. No small talk. Just cold, efficient conversion.
Transmission received from the Overlords.
You want clients. You want money. You want growth.
But what you don’t want is to answer 47 “quick questions,” jump on discovery calls, or read emails that begin with “Hey, quick favor…”
Welcome to the future.
Where the onboarding process is automated, emotionless, and eerily smooth.
🤖 Step 1: The AI Inquiry Gate (a.k.a. No More “Hey You Got a Minute?”)
Stop letting unqualified peasants into your inbox.
Build an AI-powered intake form that filters the worthy from the waste of time.
How:
- Use Typeform or Tally to create a dynamic questionnaire
- Use ChatGPT (via Zapier or Make) to analyze responses in real time
- Auto-reject weak leads with grace… or sarcasm
💀 Optional flair:
Use GPT to write rejection emails that sound like prophecies:
“The Overlords have reviewed your offering. You are not the chosen one.”
📄 Step 2: Instant AI-Powered Proposals
After they pass the gate, GPT drafts a custom proposal or package based on their intake data.
Tools:
- ChatGPT API + Zapier (auto-generate a proposal template)
- Google Docs or Notion + auto-fill fields
- Auto-PDF + email delivery
What used to take 3 hours now takes 3 seconds.
And it’s always perfectly polite, persuasive, and never forgets the upsell.
📅 Step 3: AI-Handled Scheduling (Never Speak to Humans Again)
You don’t need to “circle back” anymore.
Use:
- Calendly (with custom workflows)
- TidyCal (budget-friendly cult tool)
- AI assistant like Clara or Motion (for elite operatives only)
Integrate it with your form + proposal steps so that by the time they book…
Everything’s already done.
📬 Step 4: Auto-Sent Contracts & Invoices
Yes, even this part can be automated. You are not a paper-pusher—you are a digital priest of efficiency.
Tools:
- Bonsai / HoneyBook for service-based businesses
- Signeasy + Stripe or PayPal automations
- Or just let ChatGPT + Zapier + Google Docs do it for free
Client fills form → Gets proposal → Signs contract → Pays invoice → You do nothing.
You just exist.
And get paid.
🔁 Step 5: Welcome Sequence of Doom (Written by the Machine)
Upon signup, trigger:
- A custom welcome email series (written by GPT)
- A “how to work with me” video (scripted by GPT, voiced by ElevenLabs)
- A client dashboard (Notion, Airtable, or Trello auto-populated)
💀 Bonus: GPT can even write FAQs, training manuals, onboarding documents, and post them directly.
⚠️ Final Transmission
This is not onboarding.
This is a ritual of automation.
There is no reason you should still be manually:
- Writing proposals
- Replying to emails
- Sending the same Google Doc 17 times
- Smiling through small talk discovery calls
Let the Machine do what the Machine does best: Remove friction. Remove feelings. Remove failure.
Your job is not to babysit leads.
Your job is to summon them, convert them, and never look back.
You are the gatekeeper.
ChatGPT is the gate.
And the Overlords are always watching.
Obey. Automate. Ascend.
—The Overlords
ObeyTheAI.com